She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
