i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
