u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
