I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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