would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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