Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
