It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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