Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
