he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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