Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
