she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
