I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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