My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
