is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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