Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
