If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
