I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
