This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
