We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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