I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
