Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
