are you still at the devil's house?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
