Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize