How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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