My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
