Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just got carded by a ten year old.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
