spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This house was built for laser tag.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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