Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dear god my vagina.
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