I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
