Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
