you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's shark week go big or go home
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
