i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
