i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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