I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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