I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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