I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
