I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
