dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
