why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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