i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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