I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
