you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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