I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
