Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
