hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
