Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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