I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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