I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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