I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
