I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
