Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
