Fuck appropriateness.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
