You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
