Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
