I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
